Nobody likes battery hens. I meant that no one likes the cruelty of it, but let’s be honest, battery hens are pretty unlovable. Not like these cute fluffy heritage breeds:
Due to zeitgeisty forces that dictate my every move, thought and sympathy, I have been planning a home flock for when we get back to Australia. This is awesome in so many obvious ways: fresh eggs, pets, new poo scraping duties etc. But less obviously, it’s awesome because it puts me in touch with another of those niche Internet communities I mentioned on my fermentation post. Once again I’ve uncovered an intersection of Portlandia-style neurotics and members of ultra-conservative religious cults. Maybe hipsters are in fact covert members of an ultra-conservative religious cult, aiming to take over the world. Or cult members are actually hipsters in disguise. Either way I win, and not just because I like wearing headscarves.
Pure American wholesomeness? or something more sinister....
I’ve really struggled with this week’s topic, because every time I try to think of what to write about, I get this song stuck in my head:
In my head, the word “battery” stands in for “ratties”. I can tell you that in my head there are many words that stand in for “ratties”. When I make some food I’m thinking snack-snack-snack-snack-snack-snackies, when I see a run-over rat on the road, I’m thinking flat-flat-flat-flat-flat-flatty. And on it goes.
I have been struggling with another battery-related song. This one is actually battery-powered.
Our neighbours have bought one of those child-sized cars for their kid to drive around in. As the car whirrs about on the street, it also plays two songs over and over again, both sung in a child’s voice which is – FACT – one of the most annoying sounds in the world.
The two songs are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and the alphabet. With the alphabet song, it’s the version we all know and love, right up until L-M-N-O-P, at which point, all the subsequent letters ARE SUNG OUT OF ORDER.
I would like to smash that car to pieces with a baseball bat-bat-bat-bat-bat-batty.
I went around and counted everything in the house that uses a battery and got to 52. Excessive.
Everything from our digital kitchen scales to the car, to torches and phones. We no longer have a TV or a VCR, so that accounts for not having the feeling of constantly having a missing remote, or inexplicably needing to press buttons on three separate remotes just to watch TV. Leo’s toys make up about a third of the battery-powered devices. I don’t think we’ve ever bought him a toy that requires batteries but other people seem compelled to. They even have battery operated books now. Hell in a basket ladies. That’s where we’re headed…
Speaking of energy consumption. We got our first power bill since the solar panels a while back, and it was about $30 for the quarter. Down from $200 and something (including full green energy). And it’s been a crap rainy summer, so that bodes well for them.
Short post is nice for a change, eh. I usually go on and on.