Hair – by Justyna

26 Aug


Here are my few thoughts I have about hair.

1. Never been a great fan of chest hair, however the idea of a chest free of hair is repulsive. I like the fact that the older Michal gets the more chest hair he sprouts. As long as it stays off his arse and back, I’m content. And even if it doesn’t, well, what can I do about it now? I also like how his arm hair goes super white blond during the summer time. Hypercolour hair. 

2. I’m not very hairy. In fact Poles are never really hairy as a bunch. My dad has very sparsely haired legs. I often got asked at school why I shave my arms. They’ve always been totally naked. When my mum caught me in the bathroom shaving my legs (I was thirteen and had completely succumbed to the ‘everyone-is-doing-it’ peer pressure), she was mortified and tried to explain rationally that there was absolutely no need for it. She herself only started shaving hers well after she turned thirty. I can go three months without shaving mine and no one is the wiser.

3. I may not be very hairy but I sprouted my first grey hair when I was about twenty. Today the top of my head is roughly 30 per cent grey. Okay, maybe even 40 per cent. It comes from my dad’s side. They all went grey when they entered toddlerhood. For me dying my hair regularly is one of the most annoying things on earth that I make myself do. Yet I cannot bring myself to get it done professionally at the salon. Or stop dying it all together. That is not even an option. It annoys me that grey men look distinguished. And grey women look like frumps. Michal’s mum in her late 50s finally put the hair dye on the shelf. She seriously aged ten years. Damn.

4. Being allergic to dogs and cats for a long time I was told it was because of their fur. When the truth finally came out in about 1995 that the allergen was in the animals’ saliva enzymes the world started to make total sense. Every time a cat or a dog lick me I get itchy bumps on my skin. But when I rub my face in their hairy fur I only sneeze.

5. On the subject of yester-week’s saliva, I taught Kazek how to do a wet willy a few days ago. Tonight when he was falling asleep he licked his finger and stuck it in my ear and giggled “wet willy”. I was super proud. I also pissed myself. I await the day when I can share the special Simpsons episode with him where we will piss ourselves together.


4 Responses to “Hair – by Justyna”

  1. Tabitha August 27, 2012 at 4:04 am #

    I’m the exact opposite – hairy all over, but I’ve only found one gray hair so far. This is extremely pleasing to me, as having to spend time/money on both leg waxing AND hair dying would probably break me, and leave me doing neither.

  2. Beth August 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm #

    How funny – I always blamed my hairiness on a stray Pole in my lineage. It must have been a rogue Scottish or English gene…

    We are the same in my fam, Tabs. My Mum is 72 and has never had to dye her hair. She’s about 40% grey now, but we’re hairy mo-fos.

    • Beth August 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

      P.S. That is awesome wet willying young Kaz!

  3. Kukus September 7, 2012 at 7:35 am #

    Wet willy.. haha you are right to be proud. As to the Simpson I’m glad you’re going to get Kaz man onto it, every time I go to tell a Simpsons anecdote to Jessica, I have to establish who Mr Burns is or some such and it kills the story.

    Children who arn’t brought up on the Simpsons seem to be deprived of a cultural institution. I still remember going over to your place an watching consecutive taped episodes… oh and the glee you felt at when working at hmv, you brought home the simpsons soundtrack, and when you lifted the CD off the case, a donut stain lay beneah… genius!

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