False – by Beth

24 Jul

The random word generator says “false” and I think “false teeth”! Here are a couple of false teeth stories for you.

Back in the day in small town NZ, it seems that the cleverest gift to give a young man setting off to the big city for university was the removal of his teeth, and their replacement with dentures. So that’s just what happened to my Dad.

He still has all of his bottom teeth, but his entire top row of teeth are false. Pearly white for always. He’s only just recently gotten his second denture – he had the other for 40 years or so. His gums are impossibly smooth, pink and toothless.

The falsies have made for some laughs. One cousin, now in her thirties, still asks Dad to push them in and out for gross effect every time she sees him. The other day Dad was telling me that he was giving directions to a stranger while he was out on a bike ride. He sneezed, and his false teeth flew out with great dramatic effect. The stranger was left open-mouthed. Awkward.

Mum tells a story from their courtship that would have sent many women packing, but not her! One night they went to see Roman Polanski’s Macbeth. Dad was drunk and had eaten his meal too fast (can you see what’s coming?) He was making noisy drunken remarks in the theatre “Bloody Thane of Cawdor, eh?” he guffawed. “Bloody Macbeth, eh?!”, nudging Mum in the ribs. It was no surprise when he had to go to the bathroom urgently in the middle of the film. He hurled up not only his guts, but his teeth out and into the toilet bowl! Mum says she felt funny kissing him for a few days after that. Dad has no memory of the whole episode.

The other day, Mum and Dad stayed over and Dad was brushing his teeth in the sink, as you do… Leo insisted on watching and was a seemingly aghast to see Grandad holding his teeth. But when I talked about it to him later he had no memory of it. Too odd a sight to even register maybe? Or maybe kids are just the coolest and hard to phase.


4 Responses to “False – by Beth”

  1. Tabitha July 24, 2012 at 8:31 am #

    I can see your dad entertaining Leo for many years to come. Dentures really are the best party trick ever, and one soon to be lost to the mists of time, I guess. Although personally, I think getting all your teeth replaced with perfect ones doesn’t sound too bad at all!

    • Beth July 24, 2012 at 11:59 am #

      My Dad said to Jeff that he was disappointed Leo found out about the dentures that way because he was looking forward to playing a good trick on him sometime. I’m sure he will still get loads of laughs out of them.
      I must ask Dad about the pain of the extraction sometime. It must have been horrible! Those shiny gums belie all the blood and gore involved.

  2. Suzysiu July 24, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    I have no desire to kiss your dad – oh wait the toilet spew dentures have been replaced now. Nope, think I’d still feel funny about kissing your dad.

  3. mischb August 12, 2012 at 9:51 am #

    great stories, beth! hilarious!

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