I am rather prudish when it comes to the scatalogical. I don’t like it when people talk about their bottoms in a functional sense, make jokes about their farts, or discuss their poos and farts at all in front of me. I don’t like it when people fart loudly around me, and no, I don’t appreciate that you’re “not trying to hide it”. As I am married, some extent of fart-joking capacity has had to be acquired over the years, but it doesn’t extend to other people. I will admit that I enjoyed the other night when all the Voice judges were making jokes about Cee-Lo’s farting, but only because it showed up that Carson fellow as quite the stuffed shirt. Which I can’t relate to. *cough*.
I remember a conversation with a friend once in which she asked me why I wasn’t interested in dating a guy we knew. We got along well, had lots in common, but honestly, the main roadblock that came to mind when I investigated my lack of romantic feelings for him was… his enthusiasm for talking about poo. It seemed symbolic of other aspects of his personality – but what? Perhaps too much earthiness and attraction to well… the shit in life.
I once read a Tim Winton book in which he would describe the character’s butt muscles (or sphincter even!?) clenching each time they experienced fear. There was even a bit where he describes this happening to the main character’s young child, something like, “Billie’s bum muscles tightened” (forgive me if that’s not an accurate quote, my Google searches for those terms were about as successful as you might imagine). Anyway, that was it for me and Tim Winton.
Now I could blame my repressed childhood for all this, but I think that would be unfair. I’m quite happy for you to tell me about your sexual experiences. I love a good romp down illicit substance memory lane if you feel like sharing those stories. And even gross tales of poor hygiene or, I don’t know, tick removal procedures, will only endear you to me. But butts… What’s inside them, or threatening to come out… The bottom line is I’d just rather we talked about something else.