I am getting in early this week, because I know that with this topic, everyone will immediately think of posting about the creepiest music video of all time, Lionel Richie’s Hello.
Now feel free to correct me if I’ve wildly misinterpreted this work of art, because to the modern viewer (who I will define as anyone alive after its 1984 release year), it’s pretty hard to believe someone thought this was a good idea for a music video.
So we have Lionel Richie as a college (god, I hope it’s college) drama teacher, who obsessively stalks his BLIND female student, taking advantage of her disability to space out and perve at her during her performance exercises in his class. He then follows her down the corridors and even into her ballet class. He also makes anonymous phone calls to her HOME NUMBER at night. If you’re not shuddering yet, just imagine one of your uni professors in the role of Lionel.
Tension mounts at the apex of the clip, when a male peer of the girl rouses Lionel from one of his reveries with the phrase, “There’s something going on in the sculpture class. I think you ought to check it out”. Dear God!, you think, already creeped out by this stage, and not just by the song’s minor key. Is she self-immolating as a public protest? Has she gone on a shooting rampage because she just can’t take the harassment any more?!
No. Lionel enters the room, and there is the girl, a glazed over look in her eyes and a clay model of his head on a plinth, eerily reminiscent of Victorian death masks.
Here it is, along with Benjamin Disraeli’s for good measure.
Oh look, someone made it into a cake.
Hello is a terrific word for songs. First of all, it grabs the attention. On top of that, it’s understood by people of all nationalities (does that partly explain this?) . There are a lot of good songs prominently featuring the word Hello, and to be fair, Lionel Richie’s number is a killer. But if you’re too creeped out by the video to ever enjoy Hello again, you can thank me later, while rocking out to Hello Hello:
A truly magnificent find that actually turned up on one of Finn’s Putamayo world music CDs, proving that children’s music isn’t 100 per cent torture. And look what delight I found posted below it:
Is that not truly definitive of what the Youtube comment has contributed to world discourse?