Haircut – by Karen

4 Feb

I haven’t had a haircut in several months. The thing is, I am growing my hair long again. So I should feel totally cool about not having it cut. But due to years of indoctrination it’s actually weirdly uncomfortable to go months without “even a trim” – won’t I get split ends?

Well it turns out that hair does not spontaneously decay after a few months of not being cut. Another unwritten rule of life I can consign to the compost heap.

Karen’s Top 3 Unwritten Rules that are Bullshit

  1. When you have a child, you must purchase a four-wheel drive vehicle. This is bullshit. Children do not need a big car. They are very small! They have very small legs! I have fit two children, two adults, two strollers and a scooter in my Astra hatchback. The seat also does not need to be higher, unless you have some kind of injury. If you get a dog, you can buy a station wagon.
  2. You must recline your chair on an aeroplane. I was recently on a plane where the passenger in front reclined their seat as soon as they boarded. At 5pm. The stewardess told them to put it upright for takeoff, which they did, and then RECLINED IT AGAIN after she’d walked away. Then the stewardess told them again to put it upright. After that she RECLINED IT AGAIN, JUST SLIGHTLY after the hostess walked away. This is not necessary! It is actually possible to leave your seat in the upright position throughout an entire flight! In fact, if it is day time, it is not actually necessary to go to sleep – EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE ON A PLANE.
  3. When practising doing yoga, you must wear pants of exactly three-quarter length. I have tested this theory, and you will be astonished to find that it is actually possible to do yoga in long pants, capris, bermudas and short shorts. Mindblowing!

What are your top Unwritten Rules that are Bullshit?


8 Responses to “Haircut – by Karen”

  1. Tabitha Carvan February 5, 2012 at 8:34 am #

    This post is so Quintessentially Karen, I love it. I can’t wait until you turn into a cantankerous old lady, thwacking people with your walking stick.

  2. Karen February 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

    Hmm, Richard called this post “a bit sub-par” and you called it “Quintessentially Karen”. Hard to feel good about that, really. Except I like the cantankerous thwacking bit.

    • Tabitha February 7, 2012 at 5:49 am #

      Really? I want Richard to rate all my posts too. Will keep me on top of my game/terrified.

      • Karen February 7, 2012 at 5:55 am #

        He’d be delighted. But of course, I’d have to type his comments out and convey them to you, because (not at all ironically for one with such firm opinions) he doesn’t talk on the internet.

    • Suzysiu April 29, 2012 at 11:19 am #

      Many LOLs.

      I am feeling embarassed about our car, which we bought for easily transporting our now dusty and lonely bikes, er, not because I was pregnant, not at all…

  3. Beth February 6, 2012 at 3:28 am #

    I really loved something I heard recently from someone I forget who it was (vague enough for you?) saying that when it comes to raising children, anything that people tell you you “simply must do” you actually totally don’t have to do. I’m sure this extends to all of life’s must dos, but I have felt the desire to kick all that in the teeth much more when it comes to kids because there’s much more of it about.

  4. Justyna February 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    A Polish Unwritten Rule that is Bullshit: your infant should wear a beanie a) even during summer, to avoid ear infections, and b) so its ears don’t stick out in when it gets older.

    I used to have a plethora of unwritten rules that are bullshit. In fact I could pull them out of my arse quickly and without much thought. But after reading your post Karen, I have become stuck to come up with the goods. Could it be, that god forbid, I am becoming more, argh, mellow!? Nah, it’s probably all the boob milk.

    Oh here’s one. Unwritten Rule that is Bullshit 2: breastfeeding creates a spiritual and emotional bond between the mother and the child, a beautiful maternal experience…Umm no it doesn’t and no it’s not. What breastfeeding does, is it turns the woman into a primal dairy cow. On demand. Makes her fucking tired and leaves the mattress wet.

    • Beth February 7, 2012 at 10:08 am #

      Justyna mellowed!?! Surely not, or if so it will only be temporary. Smash the system Justyna!!

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