Hi my name is Kazek and I am two and a bit years old. I love Vegemite. Fermented yeast extract. Rich in vitamin B. Makes my skin smooth. When my mum is not looking I stick my hands into the jar and just gobble great bits of it, not bothering with the toast and butter. When she is looking I ask for a spoon. I usually eat it on Polish bread (toasted of course), which is sourdough, so I have a whole load of fermentation from the moment I wake up and sit at the table.
My mother loathes Polish television so we don’t watch telly at all and I’m not up on all the ads and sing songs. But she has made an exception for Aussie jingles. I know most of the words to ‘happy little Vegemites’. She sings it to me before I fall asleep. I’m a consumer for life. It’s weird, since she was never a ‘little Vegemite’ herself. In fact from what I can gather Tabitha introduced her to the proper way of eating it when my mum was 19. Right amount of butter, toast essential, hey presto and you have deliciousness in your mouth. From that moment on my mother was born-again. I think she uses Vegemite on a daily basis as a way of clinging to her Ausiness. The other day after breakfast she gave me a small Australian flag to play with and then took photos. It was a ridiculous juxtaposition. I was wearing my leather ‘kierpce’ at the time (typical Polish folky highlander slipper-type shoes).
It’s funny because my mum looks Polish, sounds Polish and my dad says she even has a Polish ‘soul’. At the same time she also sounds Australian, often behaves like and Aussie and understands the world in a very different way to the people here. Really she’s just a wog all over again except this time in her motherland. Must be tiresome being split in half all the time. Hope she doesn’t ever make me immigrate or impose too much of her Australian ways on me. I don’t want to be all torn up and split down the middle like she is for all eternity. Neither here nor there. Must be frustrating.